Sunday, February 20, 2011

Relevant Zoological Information

One of the keys to exercise is to make it fun and interesting. So after days of walking around our block together, Calmer Half and I have started walking at the zoo. This is far more fun than a treadmill or elliptical, and the uphills and downhills are far more rewarding. The sights are far more interesting, too - we get to count how many of the dads herding their kids around are packing heat, and try to figure which kids in the swarm belong to which mothers lagging behind with their strollers.

You'd think taking a real live African man to the zoo might result in more information on the African animals exhibited there. You'd be right - but it's a rather, ah, different viewpoint than the signboards. He notes, in this order:

1. How tasty the animal is.
2. How dangerous the animal is.
3. How fat these examples are.
4. How relaxed these examples are.

So while the mom next to us is pointing to the Red River Hogs and going "Look! Piggies!", Calmer Half's stomach is growling as he says, "Oooh, look how fat those are - they haven't had to run from any predators in years! Mmmm, mmmm, those would be some damn fine eating!"

Related note: he can eyeball the giraffe baby and estimate its age correctly to within two weeks. He also points out, to the dismay of some mothers and amusement of some fathers, the, ah, current air of randiness of the giraffe male, and the cold shoulder he's getting from the childless female. It certainly is more educational!