Friday, November 15, 2013

The little furry socialist

Housecats are consummate socialists.

1. What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine, too.
2. Yes, I know you provide free food. But it's filthy swill! Give me better free food!
3. Work? Oh, yes, that's what you do. Get to it.
4. I love you. Wait, no, I kill you. Wait, I love you! So I just bit you - pet me now!
5. My catbox, it is filthy. But we know it isn't mine, because my excrement doesn't stink. So clean up your own excrement, human.
6. It's 3am, and I've decided I'm not getting enough handouts. Snap to it!
7. Shiny! Shiny! Shiny! Shiny! .... what? Stop looking at me like that!
8. I meant to do that. That so totally was my idea in the first place. Ahem. If I look perfect, right after this shoulder gets groomed, then of course everything is the way it should be.
9. What? My claws needed sharpening. What do I care if I'm trashing the accomodations and the sofa? You can always provide another one for me.
10. You expect me to do tricks? I don't work for food.
11. Why are you trying to take my fur off your business suit? It's the perfect fashion accessory! Are you daring to criticize my fashion, slave of the state? Death by twenty claws on your hose-covered legs!

12. So you're interrupting my nap by mopping, eh? Well, I could stay on this nice warm blanket, or I could hop down onto the freshly mopped floor. Hmmm. YAAAUGH!! It's WET!! How disgusting! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! HOW COULD YOU MAKE THE FLOOR WET?!?

13. I'll forgive you if you give me more catnip, toys, and heavy whipping cream. Ahem. This is a claw. I said, I'll forgive you if...


  1. AKA: Thirteen Reasons Why Murphy's Law Has a Dog."

  2. This is why you must have the Red Laser Dot of Power to control the evil socialist.

  3. ROTF, all pretty much true, and agree with Murph on this one!

  4. All true. But at least I don't have to take a cat out in the rain/wind/snow/whatever to do its business in the wee hours. (See what I did there?)