Saturday, December 30, 2017

How would we wake up

How would we wake up, if it weren't for cats?

Or, 4am rolls around. Normally my darling husband is up - but tonight he slept on, blissfully unaware of the universe and the felines in it.

Kili knows that her large human should be up, making his first cuppa, and able to be coaxed into sharing the milk when he pulls it out for his tea. At about 0415hrs, she evaluated her options. Prior experience has taught her that any aggressive motions may result in flying cat (and the humans still asleep), so she resorted to being overly friendly. Yes, overly friendly. Walking between her humans on the bed, she started to purr so loudly her little body was shaking, a rasping, full-throated purr.

When that failed to wake either humans enough for them to move, she started gently grooming a hand sticking out from under the covers. But even that failed to wake Peter (even if I came to half-awake at the sound). So she adapted and overcame.

Turning to the me, she started licking and nudging until I turned over in bed to get away from the grooming, and ended up flat on my back. Then, she gently and delicately climbed on top of me, settled down with two paws pressed into my diaphragm while she kneaded my bladder, and purred fit to vibrate said bladder like driving down a washboard road.

At which point I have to throw back the covers (and cat) and dash for the bathroom. She follows, purring and wrapping a tail around my ankles, confident I can now be led to the fridge and made to pour milk even if I will go back to bed instead of making tea and a lap to sit in... because if I go back to bed, the purring and grooming and bladder-kneading will redouble until I finally get back out and give her milk so I can be left in peace to get a few more hours of sleep in.

You know, for only weighing eight pounds and a brain the size of a walnut, the cat is pretty clever at figuring out a way to get what she wants. I may not appreciate the method chosen, but it was effective. Sigh.


  1. That may be the most accurate depiction of feline behavior & the resultant training of the human servants I've ever read.

  2. If they get to know us, and we them, life is fuller for all involved. They really do have more going on than most people , being dismissive, want to credit them for.

  3. Fifteen pound cat, super power ability to double his weight. Sending him flying is not an option!

  4. Rev Paul - she's had a few years to work on training us! (And we did come pre-trained by other cats and dogs.)

    thinkingman - I kinda figure that she may not be the brightest creature I know, but she has a very few simple desires, and all day, every day, to figure out how to get those few things. Between patience, persistence, and the cleverness of cats, she usually wins in the end.

    Margaret - My sympathies! The fifteen-pound kitten is working on training his people; occasionally I'll realize he's trying to copy Kili's communication (badly, but enthusiastically!)He doesn't understand why she can delicately pick her way onto my chest, but him landing from a flying leap gets an immediate "Oof! Get off! Can't Breathe!" reaction.